I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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