it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
