I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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