ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The power of my boobs compel you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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