They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
