That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
