whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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