I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
