I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
