never play flip cup with pint glasses
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
