Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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