Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
