Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize