you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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