Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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