if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my shit smells like andre
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
