bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
