A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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