I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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