I wish I could teleport
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
