i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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