She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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