no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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