This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
