dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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