I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
