Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
