it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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