So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
