A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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