Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
