My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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