he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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