but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
