You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can you bring me the toilet please
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
