you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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