So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
