She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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