Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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