Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just threw up on my dentist
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
