Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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