I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
