So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
