vagina is talking i cant
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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