so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
