Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
