UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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