Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
