Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
