OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
