so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
