i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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