It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
