really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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