we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
