Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize