Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
