I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
