So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
