I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
