What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
