Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
