I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
