Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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