Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
