Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
