Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
