suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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